I used to write poems to express myself when I was young. They didn’t have to rhyme or make much sense, they just needed to sound “emotionally accurate”. They were short or long, intense or mild, dark or light. The “poems” helped me make something creative and beautiful out of a messy and often ugly inner experience. They helped me see that how I felt was OK, valid, and even special.

Back then, that may have been my only useful emotional outlet. I would express essentially the same nasty emotions in my journal and lock it tightly away, but part of me felt written in stone, like the negative views were now permanent. My journal was a toxic place, where all the stories of my victimization felt true and real and my hate was a leading writer. I’d been taught to keep a journal and record everything and I did just that; recorded my hurts, my hates, and my unseen hunger. I recorded the list of people I didn’t like, why I didn’t like them, and why I was right. I recorded my self-hatred and my low self-worth.

Flash forward to today, I am a happy and (mostly) balanced coach and healer. I have a knack with emotions and helping people find a new perspective. I acknowledge my emotions and their importance to me all throughout the day. I’m not perfect and I love it. It feels good to be honest about my ugly and see my light be stronger for it.

I still write my poems and I still have ugly emotional experiences that are tough to feel. I’m learning about how deeply I feel about nearly everything. And I listen. I listen to me and my experience. I listen to all the different voices, all their motivations, all their prejudices and hurts, all the goodness and darkness within. And I can feel the difference. I know the light from the dark, I know what is the real me and the false me. I know who it is I truly listen to; the part of me that is part of God, the inner Divine.

We all have that ability, to listen and discern what is us and what is less than us. What comes from a place of light and truth and what doesn’t. We can train our minds and re-wire our thinking by listening to our emotions. By being willing to validate it all and trust there is a inner guidance that knows the difference by how we feel. We can express how we feel, we can turn ugly into interesting, and we can re-write our lives.

I invite you to try a “little poem”. Write what is in your heart and forget about any mental concepts of what a poem should be. Just let your heart express through words, rhythm, rhyme, or story. Listen to your heart more than your head and know that you are enough too.

my little poem

the day stretches out like a desert                                                                                                fear leaks in from the sides                                                                                                                 what will happen if I stand still in today                                                                                             or sit with the creeping fear?

“am I enough?” my desperate heart demands,                                                                        finally heard in the stillness                                                                                                                  “do you love me?” it wants to know of my all too stern mind                                                                                                                                                                                                                           without hesitation, my mind replies                                                                                       “sweet heart, my dear, you are my life,                                                                                             you are who I am”